Just Severus
by CheesyCake
Summary: James may have taken it too far this time. Will Severus stay strong or will he drown in his bottled up depression with no one to save him? He only wanted to be Severus. Just a normal boy, like everyone else. Just Severus. WARNING: SELF HARM


**A/N: Just felt a bit down and wrote this fic :D Um, there's a bit of SELF HARM, but nothing is really graphic :) Just Rated T because I'm morbid :P**

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When you are in Hogwarts, being a Death Eater and a very easily spotted and scrawny-looking type of person does not help you in any way. Sometimes, you just have to be optimistic and think about everything good in your life, but for me, there wasn't a lot. I didn't know what I wanted to be, not a goal in life. I just wandered around in my studies, a mediocre, studying, working, living life as a nobody. Just one of the plain faces you see on the streets, not special in anyone's eyes. And of course, I wasn't really happy with my life, but it wasn't till after that, did the thought of suicide enter my mind.

I had found myself subconsciously thinking of throwing myself in front of the Hogwarts Express. I didn't know what I was doing, but that thought scared me. After that imposing thought, I didn't go home as often, usually staying over at Hogwarts during the holidays; consequently avoiding the train rides. Throughout the next few years, my thoughts of suicide had been more frequent than ever. I had thought of numerous ways such as venturing into the Forbidden Forrest, throwing myself off a broom, drinking poison; the list went on and on. I didn't know what to do and I didn't ask for help; teenage Death Eater nobodies never do.

On a really bad day, when Potter and his bunch of cronies had hung me from my ankles using my own spell-my own spell, thank you very much-and taunted me, telling me that I didn't deserve to have a friend like Lily and that she shouldn't be around someone like me. I asked them what they meant, and Sirius was the quickest to reply-he called me a shitty faggot Death Eater. I had found myself in a rage of intoxicating anger, and had blindly barged into the common room crying, not caring if anyone saw me. I decided to take a bath, but I hardly knew what I was doing. I was in a trance and just came back to reality when I saw that the bathtub was overflowing. I thought about how my roommates would scold me about it after they came back from their feast in the Great Hall. They weren't going to understand anything. Another storm of frustration and blinding white anger coursed through me and I picked up my wand.

I didn't know why I had snatched it up, but the way that it felt in my hands, it just felt like I had to do it. To myself I thought, It's just like potions. One cut there…One cut here… I grasped the handle and watched as the tip of my wand was brought over my left wrist. The pain that I felt was a dull throb, and I watched, entranced, as my skin parted like soft butter. The thin cut turned to a rosy-pink, faint, line, then red, and then a dark crimson. The blood travelled down my arm like a teardrop and lingered on my elbow. The room was so quiet, that when my blood left the joint and hit the water, the tiny plop sounded like a thunderclap opposed to the silence. The cerise liquid swirled out into the water, blooming like a rose. I felt myself losing conscious. Why not end it now? I thought. I could be free from all the sufferings the world brought me. No one was on my side. I was going to go straight down to hell. I gave out a sharp, short, loud bark that was supposedly a laugh. Was hell going to be any worse than this? I leaned into the water and let the pain wash over me….

xoxoxo

I woke up with white sickly walls surrounding me, the smell of antiseptic and someone leaning on me. Who was it? Was this heaven? No…no, it was the infirmary… I thought wearily, sighting Madame Pomfrey's bustling figure through the slightly open door of the nurse office. My eyes refocused and I saw that the person who I thought was leaning on me was my best friend, Lily, and she was not leaning on the bed, but was instead, crying with her arms around my torso. I realised how much I meant to Lily-even my Lucius' eyes were rimmed with red; not that he would admit that he was crying for me. When Lily, Lucius and Narcissa saw that my eyes were open, they all perked up and started babbling at me all at once.

"Severus, are you alright?" scolded Lily, looking almost hysterical.

"Oh, Sev, we were so worried! What were you trying to do?" Lucius' hand was draped across Cissa's shoulders which were still shaking uncontrollably due to the shock and stress of my attempted suicide.

"You scared us all to death!" Lucius admonished, running his unoccupied hand through his blond locks which were uncharacteristically messy, his eyes wide and trembling slightly with well hid relief.

All that I had done came rushing back to me and I burst into tears. "I-I…." A new wave of tears drenched my face. I had just done things on the spur of the moment and I didn't think about how many people I would have affected if I ended my life. Smiling, I hugged my three friends close to me. To myself, I thought, I wouldn't give this moment up for the world. And in that split second where everyone's arms were around me, I wasn't a Slytherin, or a Death Eater, or a pureblood that had extreme expectations from his parents. I was just a boy. Just Sev. And in that moment, I felt loved. I couldn't have felt happier.

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